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I’m on day 54 of the 100 day challenge!  Woot!!

To celebrate day 50 I went for a nature hike.  I explored two areas that I have not visited before.  Since I have only lived in this part of the country for two years there are plenty of things to check out that are close by.  I’ll post some pictures from the hike at the end of this post.

Nothing very exciting to report.  Day 50 was just like any other day.  Once I hit day 100 I don’t think that I will pay much attention to the accumulating sober days.  Temptation has been few and far between.  Whenever I get a little urge to drink it is usually easy to suppress.  I find that the urge comes fast, and tends to leave just about as fast.  It never seems to be a prolonged fight.

The other night.  Right around day 50 in fact, I had a crazy dream.  In the dream I was drinking and it horrified me!  When I woke up I was tremendously relieved that I indeed had not drank.  I guess I’ve done a good job of mentally conditioning myself to despise alcohol hehe.  The thought of drinking no longer is associated with warm fuzzy feelings or good times.  It’s just pure revulsion.

It’s the weekend so I am back at the lake.  Grandma went in for a routine doctor appointment yesterday and they decided to send her to the hospital.  Looks like she is going to be there for at least a few days.  Being 92 this is not unusual.  The good thing is that not all of the hospital trips are a big deal.  Some of her ailments tend to be mysterious.  The doctors just can’t figure it out.

Being here alone has led to a very nice relaxing Saturday.  I miss having Grandma around but it’s also nice to enjoy the beautiful weather by the lake and just chill.

Everything else is going well.  My diet has continued to move in a more healthier direction.  The binging on sweets is over.  I knew I would get sick of that 🙂  I’m starting to incorporate more fruit now and I am back to my normal weight.  I would like to build some muscle but I’ve never been very good at adhering to an exercise routine.

My positive attitude and good mood are also sticking around.  That’s nice!  I’m still not using my personal time to do all the things I want, but that is ok.  At least I am not drinking.  When it comes to being more responsible and motivated I am willing to give that some time.

Here of some hiking pics.  Enjoy!

– BST

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Ok, so I am not on the super positive high I was on yesterday, hehe 🙂  I finally floated back down to the surface of the Earth sometime this morning LOL.  Still, I’m in a great mood, relatively.

I decided that with this post I would flesh in a little bit more info about my daily life.  I know that being an anonymous blog I keep things pretty vague, but sometimes that might be a bit confusing so I figured that I should explain at least a few things.

You may have noticed in previous posts that I keep mentioning “going to the lake”.  This refers to my Grandmothers house.  Here is the deal.  I’m a city boy.  Lived there my whole life.  My Grandmother lives by a very small town out in the country about an hour and a half away.  She lives in a nice house on a great point of land on a beautiful lake.  This is the house her and Grandpa retired in.

Now she is 92 years old and still living at home alone.  We always came over to visit at least a few times a year.  Starting a few years back I began to visit more often.  I was coming up once or twice a month to help her out with things.  Since I was the only one in the family who never got married and had kids I had the flexibility to do this.

Two years ago I made a big decision.  I left everything behind in the cities and moved out into the country to live with Grandma.  Within a few months of that I was working again and moved into my own apartment in another small town that is just 12 miles away from Grandmas place.

I just got a new job about two months ago and it happens to be in the town by my Grandma.  So now I am driving over to her neck of the woods 5 days or more a week.  Monday and Tuesday are my days off.  The new routine that is starting to develop is that I stay at my apartment during the week and then spend a 3 day weekend with Grandma so it saves gas cutting out 3 trips back to my town.  Plus, I’m spending much more time with Grandma now.

This works great for her as well.  Now that I am coming over every week and spending multiple days at a time I can help her out a lot.  We go shopping, I help around the house and yard.  All that kind of stuff.  And of course we have our time just hanging out.

So, in previous posts when I made mention of going to the lake, or being at the lake, I’m talking about when I am staying at Grandmas.  She does not have Internet so I tether my cell phone to my laptop.  It’s not the best connection, but it is good enough to blog while I am at the lake.  That works because the blog really is the only thing where I need the laptop because I am typing so much.  Most everything else I just do from my phone.  Facebook, email etc.

This current arrangement has been great when you add sobriety in the mix.  I’m obviously much more useful and mindful with my Grandma  🙂  I also enjoy the serene environment here at the lake.

In the 90’s before my drinking crushed most everything I was high flying with the tech boom.  I mostly did Web site development and some other Web related programming and database work.  I did a lot of freelance work because I also produced the graphic designs and layout which allowed me to be sort of a one man show.  As one of my hobbies I pursue photography.

This is why the sober blogging community and the idea of starting my own blog appealed to me on so many levels.  I’m an Internet techno super geek.  It’s just that alcohol shattered all those pursuits, and only now am I starting to pick up the pieces.  Where the fuck did the last decade go?  Sheeeesh.

This blog has been a great start, but now it is time for me to really shake off the rust and re-train myself on the current development languages.  It’s also time for me to fire up my graphic editing programs and start practicing that too.  I plan on getting back into Web development in a big way.  I’m going to start at least one other blog along these lines.  I’m also interested in moving into such areas as Android app development and tying my photography and graphic work into all of it.

Writing is another area of interest for me so the blog was a platform I could use for practice.  As I expand in this area I am sure I will be writing more outside of just this blog.

So there you have it.  Just a little background that I thought would help shed some light on what the hell I’m talking about in my blog some days 😉

P.S.  The massive sugar cravings that consumed me for a few weeks seem to have abated.  I’m eating fairly normal again and already lost the 10 pounds I gained.  That’s a good feeling.

P.P.S.  The Loons are calling outside.  I love the haunting sound of their call.

– BST

Yesterday I had a good day.  It was nice to have a good day because over the past few weeks they had been few and far between.  Finally, yesterday it changed.  I started the day with a nice walk outside and then took care of some errands before I went to work.

Work was fine, it usually is.  It’s my personal time that is always the issue.  That is when I struggle with motivation.  The simple fact that I took care of some of the errands made a big difference.  I also think that the beginning of the day walk is a very good thing.  I might have to try and do that more.

I get done with work late in the evening and I’ve been starting to hang out at the bar across the street  more often.  I live in a small town and it’s really the only place I can socialize.  Being in the bar does not seem to be an issue in terms of temptation so it’s been ok.  I just drink my Ginger Ale.

What I have been doing is beginning to experiment and practice normal socializing skills.  I realize now that when I was drinking I actually did not socialize very much.  I knew who most of the other locals were who hung out there every night, but I never sat down and talked with them face to face.  Now I am purposely forcing myself to talk with everyone there.

This is different for me.  I’ve never been outgoing.  I can tell that it is already working.  Instead of just being a lump sitting on a stool I am now an integral part of the “regulars”.  People don’t just know my name now.  They really know who I am.  It’s been fun!  And then when a stranger comes into the bar I enjoy going over, introducing myself, and getting to know them.  That is soooo not like the old me 🙂

So, a lot of things are going well.  I’m not drinking.  I’ve been interacting more socially instead of hiding, and I feel good about what I’m doing.

The only area I need to keep working hard on is achieving my personal goals.  This is where motivation and using my spare time come into play.  This area is still difficult.  I have dreams of all these tasks I wish to work on during my non work time and I rarely seem to dig into them.  I’m going to start easy and just try to work on something small each day to get me into the groove.  Just like yesterday when I took care of a few simple tasks and my whole day was better.

Time to wrap up this post.  I’m going to go out for a walk.  Later I will head back down to the lake for the weekend.  Most likely I will be staying at the lake almost every weekend now.  It’s close to my job so I save a couple trips back into town.

– BST

So today was the second day of moving my buddy into his new place.  Uh, it certainly did not go as smooth as yesterday LOL.

We had everything set to drive over to his other place to pick up the stuff, then my truck starting acting up.  The transmission was slipping, the speedometer stopped working, and the dreaded “Check Engine” light came on.  We pondered what to do next.  At first, thinking that it was still able to drive we should just get it over to a shop.  Then my buddy suggested that we stop by the “Auto Zone” car part store first, since it was very close.

We made it to Auto Zone where they do computer checks for free.  They scanned the system and it came up saying “faulty speed control sensor”.  My buddy and I hopped into the truck, jumped on our smart phones, and in about 10 minutes became experts on the location and method for replacing the sensor via a mix of YouTube videos and forums 🙂  Thank God for the Internet!

The part was $67, and after about half an hour tinkering around on my back under the car we got that damn thing replaced and it worked!!

There are certain things in life that give most men a sense of masculinity.  Like grilling a steak, mowing the lawn, or killing that dastardly spider.  I think that fixing a car ranks pretty high on that list. LOL 🙂

After the car fiasco we hit the reset button and went back to the moving plan.  Everything worked out great!  We finished the move, and I still had plenty of daylight left for my drive back into the country.  I love the city, but I also love coming back home to my small town.

Overall pretty awesome day.  We overcame adversity.   Sober!    Que the weekend!!!

Out

– BST

Had a really nice day.  A friend of mine needed help moving so I got out, enjoyed the sunny weather, and went on a beautiful long country drive.  I’m staying over night, and we will move the last of his “big” things tomorrow.  Today things went smooth.  It’s amazing how much easier moving is when you are sober!  LOL  🙂   Considering the fact that moving was always considered a drinking occasion.  There is just something about drinking beer and moving.  They are tied together.  Still, it was a lot easier sober 🙂

Depending on how the timing of things work out tomorrow I may go with a more leisurely route home.  Supposed to be beautiful out again.  Maybe I can snap some new pics.

I’m almost to day 25.  A quarter of the way to my 100 days.  I’m looking forward to passing the first month mark.  This will be the longest I have been able to go sober compared to my previous attempts.  I can’t even imagine six months!  But I’ll just keep working day to day.  In the moment.

Peace,

– BST

Day 21!! Woot!  Woot!

Still going strong!  🙂  Looking forward to day 25 just around the corner.  Those hundred days are going to be here soon.

I’m  still eating more sweets than I normally would, but in the past few days I finally started to dial it back.  Yesterday I weighed myself and was stunned to see that I had put on weight.  This is unusual for me.  I’ve been around 155-159 lbs for AGES.  Yesterday I was 170.  That might be the most I have ever weighed!!  Just from about two weeks of loading up on sweets and sugar stuff.

It’s ok.  My exercise program is at least attempting to resurrect itself, and I know that I can’t munch on the sweets for long.  I get sick of them, and start to get cravings for healthy stuff again.

I’ve been at the lake for three days.  Early tomorrow I’ll head back home to the apartment.  I have the next few days off and the weather is supposed to be gorgeous.  I need to figure out some fun out door things to do!  Swimming, hiking, taking the bike out, or visiting a nearby town that I have not been to before.  Lots of options to consider.

Maybe I’ll get some pictures in as well 🙂

Night!

– BST

I’m back at the lake for a few days.  I figured out how to tether my phone to the laptop so now instead of writing blog posts from my phone I am able to get my laptop online.  It’s been a few years since I have played around with phone tethering.  I’m still using the same program.  PDA.net.  It’s a great app/program combo for tethering.  The connection speed and latency seem a lot better than last time I experimented with this.  This is decent.  Well, that is awesome.  Now I have dependable Internet and computer resources I can use while at the lake.  Nice!  🙂

Had a decent night at work.  Seems like everything just goes by in a blur lately.  I swear, the moment I hit 40 it was like someone put the time stream on fast forward.  Sometimes it is a bit alarming.  Seeing your life fly by.  I use that feeling to try and appreciate the present moment as much as I can.  When life is cruising by, you need to spend time focusing on those little moments.

I continued to indulge in sweets this week.  Chocolate bars, cookies and peanut butter seem to have risen to the top.  I’m already looking over my shoulder with the sugar thing.  I know the day will come in which I will have to atone for my  sugary sins.  The excess cookies and shit make me feel kinda gunky and unhealthy.  For now, I’m still 100% focused on sobriety from alcohol, but within the next few weeks to a month I think some dietary changes may need to go into effect.

I better get to bed.  Night!

– BST

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