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Friday

Yesterday I had a good day.  It was nice to have a good day because over the past few weeks they had been few and far between.  Finally, yesterday it changed.  I started the day with a nice walk outside and then took care of some errands before I went to work.

Work was fine, it usually is.  It’s my personal time that is always the issue.  That is when I struggle with motivation.  The simple fact that I took care of some of the errands made a big difference.  I also think that the beginning of the day walk is a very good thing.  I might have to try and do that more.

I get done with work late in the evening and I’ve been starting to hang out at the bar across the street  more often.  I live in a small town and it’s really the only place I can socialize.  Being in the bar does not seem to be an issue in terms of temptation so it’s been ok.  I just drink my Ginger Ale.

What I have been doing is beginning to experiment and practice normal socializing skills.  I realize now that when I was drinking I actually did not socialize very much.  I knew who most of the other locals were who hung out there every night, but I never sat down and talked with them face to face.  Now I am purposely forcing myself to talk with everyone there.

This is different for me.  I’ve never been outgoing.  I can tell that it is already working.  Instead of just being a lump sitting on a stool I am now an integral part of the “regulars”.  People don’t just know my name now.  They really know who I am.  It’s been fun!  And then when a stranger comes into the bar I enjoy going over, introducing myself, and getting to know them.  That is soooo not like the old me 🙂

So, a lot of things are going well.  I’m not drinking.  I’ve been interacting more socially instead of hiding, and I feel good about what I’m doing.

The only area I need to keep working hard on is achieving my personal goals.  This is where motivation and using my spare time come into play.  This area is still difficult.  I have dreams of all these tasks I wish to work on during my non work time and I rarely seem to dig into them.  I’m going to start easy and just try to work on something small each day to get me into the groove.  Just like yesterday when I took care of a few simple tasks and my whole day was better.

Time to wrap up this post.  I’m going to go out for a walk.  Later I will head back down to the lake for the weekend.  Most likely I will be staying at the lake almost every weekend now.  It’s close to my job so I save a couple trips back into town.

– BST

After work tonight I hit the festival.  Once again I passed on buying a wrist band for the beer garden.  I sat on a wall for a bit watching the band over the fence and quickly determined that they were a pretty shitty cover band.

Did a few more laps walking around the festival and the carnival area, then stopped into the bar.  I had a really good time tonight.  With the festival going on the bar was busier, and very lively.  I met some new people, and chatted with a lot of my old friends.

I rolled with ginger ale again tonight.  I get the feeling that I’m going to turn into a ginger ale aficionado.  That and tea hehe.

The festival was a good test.  This event is completely designed around alcohol consumption.  I saw a shitload of hammered people, and I’m sure I’ll see more the rest of the weekend.  The temptation was there.  It was not a sharp temptation.  It was in the background, kinda dull.  It was also fleeting.  Within moments it would go away.

As the night went on I got stronger and felt better.  At the end of the night I relaxed on the bench outside in front of my apartment.  There were drunk people stumbling up and down main street and a few that could no longer walk being dragged by their friends.  Watching this at the end of the night always gives me a sense of strength.  It reminds me of what I don’t want to be.  Yes, it is always rewarding at the end.

Well, I managed to stay up VERY late tonight hehe.  It’s 4am.  *yawns*.  Oh btw that means I have officially passed the 1 month mark!!

– BST

This is it.  The biggest festival of the year hits town.  It’s a beautiful sunny Friday afternoon and the crowds are already out.

Last night after work I walked around for awhile and then hung out at my favorite bar.  It was overall pretty quite, and I did not hang around long.  Tonight after work should be different.  I expect the town will be packed to the rafters.  Usually on the festival weekend the bars are so full you can hardly move.  Should be some interesting people watching.

I’m sure I will run into a lot of people I know.  I ran into a few peeps last night, and had some good conversation.  Of course, I also had to deal with a few random drunken conversations.  When I was drunk I must have been oblivious to these weird drunken talks.  Drunk people seem so much more drunk now LOL!!!  Slurring, drooling, unintelligible gurgling hehe.  Frankly, it shocks me a bit.

Is there a story here about the life of average Americans?  Or, a story about humans in general?  Is this really where we are?

When I was young I wished that I lived in the far future.  Present day society always seemed so primitive 🙂  I’m not gonna lie.  Going sober can reveal some stark truths about life.  During the days of drinking my brain was weakened and more susceptible to the placating media, and soothing control structures that keep you working like the little cog in the machine that is wanted.

Even under those conditions I was the cog that never fit.  Always causing problems for the machine.  Never “fitting in” just right.  After a month of sobriety my eyes are open again, and the brain is recovering.  The shocking truth is now in my face everywhere I go.  I can’t just put my mind on cruise control and slide by.

That’s ok.  I would rather be aware and freaked out, then oblivious and content.

Time to go and enjoy this wonderful day.  I can smell the festival food wafting through my window.  I better get out there in the sun.

– BST

Day 26.  I’m past the quarter mark for the 100 day challenge!

Still going strong!  Temptations to drink have not been a problem.  The only thing I have really noticed within the last week or so is that I do feel different.  Like I’m a different person.  Now I have to take some time to get to know that person 🙂

I don’t always feel good.  I didn’t turn into a sobriety super hero by any means.  I just feel different.  I find my self doing things I usually would not have done in the past.

I have not been to the bar since that first visit a couple weeks ago.  It was fine.  I just find that I’m not hanging at the bar as much right now LOL 🙂  Last night after work I was thinking that I would stop in again.  I got home from work and chilled for a bit, and then went out for a late night walk.  I did a loop around one part of town, and then came back around towards the bar.  I saw some drunk people around main street.  I could hear unruly sounding drunk people from the bar as I approached.  This was right around midnight and things in town were hoppin.

I stopped.  Thought about things a little bit.  Stared up at the moon a little bit.  Aaaaaaand, just kept on walking hehe 🙂  The bar sounded annoying as hell!!!  I just didn’t want to deal with it.  I took a longer loop walk around the other side of town instead.  It was a beautiful night out.

Randomly walking around in the middle of the night is something I would have done when I was 18.  It felt funny doing it.  I saw the town from a different perspective.  Then I rolled up on the canning plant.  This place is huge.  During the summer it runs 24/7.  I looked up at a giant conveyer belt that was dumping green beans.  Like some weirdo I just stood there on the curb after midnight staring at green beans falling through the air.  After a few minutes of this I had attracted the attention of a few workers inside so I decided to move on 🙂

I felt kinda good when I went to bed last night.  I guess walking was more relaxing than the bar idea 🙂

We’ll see what Saturday night brings!

– BST

Here is a not very good picture of the bean plant.  This is just one building.  The whole place is huge.

Just getting around to this post here Saturday afternoon.  After work yesterday I decided it was finally time to go visit my favorite bar across the street.  Yes, I live across the street from the bar LOL.  It was another milestone moment.  Everything went well.  I had a ginger ale, and smiled when I found out that it only cost $1 🙂

My old drinking buddy and all the other usual friends were there.  I live in a small town, so it is a tight knit community.  Everyone was happy to see me, and I was sipping my ginger ale and being sober.  It was quite enjoyable.  I could actually have conversations, and I noticed that I smiled and laughed a lot more.  Of course by the end of the night I totally noticed how very drunk everyone else had become.  Conversation did not work out as well at that point hehe 🙂

I spent the rest of the time relaxing, playing some tunes on the jukebox, and chatting with my favorite bar tender.

All total I only spent $5 last night.  $2 on drinks and I tipped the bar tender $3 just for the hell of it.  $5 is pretty good compared to the usual $30-$40 I would have spent at the bar in the past.

I drove back to my parents today.  I’ll be here a few days.  A mini vacation.  We are going to the baseball game tonight.  I’ll take some pics to post later.  Gotta fly!

– BST

 

Happy Friday!

I had the day off today.  It was a good day, and I got most everything done that I had planned.  I still did not wake up as early as I would have liked, but I’m gonna have to just keep working on that one.

Today is officially day 4 of my sobriety.  I think it’s the first day that I started to feel physically better.  Like I felt healthier.  I’ve been having trouble sleeping, and last night that was an issue again, although I did not stay up as late as I did the past few nights.  Could be a sign it’s getting better.  Tomorrow morning I’m going to attempt to force myself to get up earlier even if it means being tired all day.  At least that way I should be able to get to sleep at a reasonable hour.

Besides writing my blog I took some time to read the other blogs about this topic that I have found through the Tired of Thinking About Drinking blog.  That was the first blog I found on this subject, and it led me to find many others, and also get involved in the 100 day challenge.  There are many great blogs out there, and when I read them it really helps keep me going.  I am thankful for all the people out there who take the time to write.  It is one of the reasons I have been inspired to do the same.

Went down to the local meat market today to do some shopping.  I’ve noticed that shopping seems to be a much more fun and fulfilling task when sober.  When you live in the moment all those wonderful items in the store just fill up your senses.

On the way out the door they were serving Bratwurst to raise money for some school sports.  Man those Brats are yummy!

For the next two days I will be away from my computer.  The only Internet access will be from my phone.  Not sure if I want to attempt writing a blog from my phone, so my next post will either be Sunday night, or sometime on Monday.

Enjoy the Weekend!

-BST

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