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Ok, so I am not on the super positive high I was on yesterday, hehe 🙂  I finally floated back down to the surface of the Earth sometime this morning LOL.  Still, I’m in a great mood, relatively.

I decided that with this post I would flesh in a little bit more info about my daily life.  I know that being an anonymous blog I keep things pretty vague, but sometimes that might be a bit confusing so I figured that I should explain at least a few things.

You may have noticed in previous posts that I keep mentioning “going to the lake”.  This refers to my Grandmothers house.  Here is the deal.  I’m a city boy.  Lived there my whole life.  My Grandmother lives by a very small town out in the country about an hour and a half away.  She lives in a nice house on a great point of land on a beautiful lake.  This is the house her and Grandpa retired in.

Now she is 92 years old and still living at home alone.  We always came over to visit at least a few times a year.  Starting a few years back I began to visit more often.  I was coming up once or twice a month to help her out with things.  Since I was the only one in the family who never got married and had kids I had the flexibility to do this.

Two years ago I made a big decision.  I left everything behind in the cities and moved out into the country to live with Grandma.  Within a few months of that I was working again and moved into my own apartment in another small town that is just 12 miles away from Grandmas place.

I just got a new job about two months ago and it happens to be in the town by my Grandma.  So now I am driving over to her neck of the woods 5 days or more a week.  Monday and Tuesday are my days off.  The new routine that is starting to develop is that I stay at my apartment during the week and then spend a 3 day weekend with Grandma so it saves gas cutting out 3 trips back to my town.  Plus, I’m spending much more time with Grandma now.

This works great for her as well.  Now that I am coming over every week and spending multiple days at a time I can help her out a lot.  We go shopping, I help around the house and yard.  All that kind of stuff.  And of course we have our time just hanging out.

So, in previous posts when I made mention of going to the lake, or being at the lake, I’m talking about when I am staying at Grandmas.  She does not have Internet so I tether my cell phone to my laptop.  It’s not the best connection, but it is good enough to blog while I am at the lake.  That works because the blog really is the only thing where I need the laptop because I am typing so much.  Most everything else I just do from my phone.  Facebook, email etc.

This current arrangement has been great when you add sobriety in the mix.  I’m obviously much more useful and mindful with my Grandma  🙂  I also enjoy the serene environment here at the lake.

In the 90’s before my drinking crushed most everything I was high flying with the tech boom.  I mostly did Web site development and some other Web related programming and database work.  I did a lot of freelance work because I also produced the graphic designs and layout which allowed me to be sort of a one man show.  As one of my hobbies I pursue photography.

This is why the sober blogging community and the idea of starting my own blog appealed to me on so many levels.  I’m an Internet techno super geek.  It’s just that alcohol shattered all those pursuits, and only now am I starting to pick up the pieces.  Where the fuck did the last decade go?  Sheeeesh.

This blog has been a great start, but now it is time for me to really shake off the rust and re-train myself on the current development languages.  It’s also time for me to fire up my graphic editing programs and start practicing that too.  I plan on getting back into Web development in a big way.  I’m going to start at least one other blog along these lines.  I’m also interested in moving into such areas as Android app development and tying my photography and graphic work into all of it.

Writing is another area of interest for me so the blog was a platform I could use for practice.  As I expand in this area I am sure I will be writing more outside of just this blog.

So there you have it.  Just a little background that I thought would help shed some light on what the hell I’m talking about in my blog some days 😉

P.S.  The massive sugar cravings that consumed me for a few weeks seem to have abated.  I’m eating fairly normal again and already lost the 10 pounds I gained.  That’s a good feeling.

P.P.S.  The Loons are calling outside.  I love the haunting sound of their call.

– BST

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So I told you all how I had a pretty good day yesterday.  Today was even better!  In fact, I feel like I just walked right out of my old life and into a new one.  Things are changing baby!

I took care of some more errands early today.  Then I went for another nice walk.  By the time I rolled into work I was on another planet.  Through little baby steps I have already accomplished more in the past two days than I would usually do in weeks.  My motivation is spiking.  My mood is awesome.  I want to keep this up.

Now it is time to move beyond just baby steps and start leaping, jumping, running and grabbing that brass fucking ring that I’ve been scared of my whole life.

Time to brush the dust off some of those grand plans that I have stashed away.  I already know that the typical life is not for me.  I already know that I do not fit into the machine the way the controllers would like.  It’s time to start using that to my advantage, rather than allowing it to be an obstruction.

Some of the work I do will never make it into the pages of this blog.  Because this blog is my anonymous therapy blog I probably won’t get into a lot of detail about my business plans.  I will be starting some other blogs as part of these projects, but that will be in my other life, not this anonymous one.  If things go well I will let you all know of course 🙂

I’m still in love with LDR “Summertime Sadness” but the new Katy Perry song “Roar” has jumped to the top of my playlist this week and it is becoming my new personal theme song.

Katy Perry has a few songs that I find to be inspirational, but her new one is seriously off the chain.  Here is a link below to the video on YouTube.  Now, the video is a bit cheesy.  It’s fun to watch but I recommend listening to the song without watching the video so that you can focus on the lyrics and let the power of her voice feed your passion and inspire you like it did me.

Katy Perry “Roar”

– BST

 

I’ve been slacking on the blog!  My last entry was Saturday during the festival.

Well, the rest of the festival went fine.  It was sort of a coming out party for me.  Almost everyone is aware now that I am not drinking.  Overall, I would say that I am happy with how it all went.  It can be depressing to be around so many drunk people, but I managed to enjoy myself.

Some of my friends are struggling a bit with my decision.  I have not had a drop of alcohol in over a month, and I noticed that some people are starting to evaluate their own drinking habits.  This evaluation seems to lead to the conclusion that they are drinking too much.  Then they get all depressed and ask me my opinion on their drinking.  I don’t want to advise them on their drinking habits.  I don’t want to go around telling everyone that they should stop drinking.  And then after all that I feel depressed!!  Sheeesh!

The past two weeks have been difficult.  The shiny newness of sobriety wore off and regular old life just kept grinding on.  Sometimes I feel like shit.  Sometimes I feel like I’m not accomplishing anything with my life.  Sometimes I wonder why the fuck I’m not drinking because everything else in my life is still the same as it was before!

I know that I am prone to depression so this is expected.  I think that being 40 might have something to do with it as well.  We got ourselves a good ole fucking fashioned mid life crisis going on here methinks! ;-p

My head goes down that rabbit hole I don’t know how many times a day.  Then I stop and think… think…think…think.  Ya know, I do have a lot more money in my bank account this month.  I have a job.  I have people who care about me.  I have my apartment and I love where I live.  I’m staying sober.  No matter how many things I feel down about not accomplishing I can point to sobriety and say “HEY!” this is an accomplishment sitting over here.

I have a lot to work on, but I’m lazy.  What is the cure for that?  There is something deeper here.  Drinking was not the cause of all my problems.  It was a symptom.  Getting rid of drinking is good.  I can honestly look at that and believe 100% in my mind that abstaining from alcohol is a good thing for me.  It just didn’t miraculously solve all my other issues 🙂

Thank God the full moon is well past us now.  I think that my depression gets worse around the full moon.  I’m not sure about that though.  Just a weird thought.

Today felt a little better.  The fact that I decided to write after work tonight is a good sign.

There has been a song playing a lot on the radio the past few weeks and it has been the perfect soundtrack to my mood.  It’s called “Summertime Sadness” by Lana Del Rey.  I guess the album came out last year but I just started hearing the song recently.  It’s a beautiful song.  I love it.

Check it out.   Summertime Sadness

– BST

My town starts its yearly, 4 day, huge festival tomorrow.  I haven’t been thinking about it that much.  In fact it kinda snuck up on me!  We live in a tourist town that attracts a lot of out of towners the year round.  The festival will bring in droves.

The festival will be in my face because I live on main street, smack dab in the middle of town.  In previous years I would have been fantasizing for weeks about the drunken debauchery that would ensue once the festival kicks off.

I’m still going to enjoy it.  I’m still going to love living on main street and being in the middle of it all when the big crowds come in.  Instead of making lunch, I’ll just walk out my front door and eat festival food for four days LOL 🙂

I’m not going to be buying any wrist bands this year.  I bet I’m gonna save around 200 bucks participating in the festival sober  😉  The money will go to festival food, a few beverages and maaaaaybe a carnival game or two.  Hey!  I can play a carnival game if I want!  I think I’m saving enough on the beer!  ;-p  Oh, and I can get a T-shirt with the saved money too!

When the festival kicks into full gear over the weekend I will be passing into month two of sobriety.  A festival to celebrate my one month!  Perfect timing!  🙂

 

So today was the second day of moving my buddy into his new place.  Uh, it certainly did not go as smooth as yesterday LOL.

We had everything set to drive over to his other place to pick up the stuff, then my truck starting acting up.  The transmission was slipping, the speedometer stopped working, and the dreaded “Check Engine” light came on.  We pondered what to do next.  At first, thinking that it was still able to drive we should just get it over to a shop.  Then my buddy suggested that we stop by the “Auto Zone” car part store first, since it was very close.

We made it to Auto Zone where they do computer checks for free.  They scanned the system and it came up saying “faulty speed control sensor”.  My buddy and I hopped into the truck, jumped on our smart phones, and in about 10 minutes became experts on the location and method for replacing the sensor via a mix of YouTube videos and forums 🙂  Thank God for the Internet!

The part was $67, and after about half an hour tinkering around on my back under the car we got that damn thing replaced and it worked!!

There are certain things in life that give most men a sense of masculinity.  Like grilling a steak, mowing the lawn, or killing that dastardly spider.  I think that fixing a car ranks pretty high on that list. LOL 🙂

After the car fiasco we hit the reset button and went back to the moving plan.  Everything worked out great!  We finished the move, and I still had plenty of daylight left for my drive back into the country.  I love the city, but I also love coming back home to my small town.

Overall pretty awesome day.  We overcame adversity.   Sober!    Que the weekend!!!

Out

– BST

I survived my outing at the bar last night.  It was the first time entering a bar since I went sober.  I ended up having a great night.  Being sober at the bar was actually fun!

Tonight was another test.  A Major League Baseball Game!  The game was a blast.  Our team won.  I went with my Dad, Brother and a friend of my Dads.  We all had a good time.  It was interesting being surrounded by about 30,000 plus drunk people LOL.  It irritated me a few times, but I was quickly able to refocus my thoughts and recover.

One of the lines I always repeat in my head when faced with these situations is “would alcohol make this moment any better?”  That always brings me back down to earth.  I realize that anything you do can be just as, if not more fun sober than it would have been drinking.

Once again, just like the bar, I saved a lot of money.  Beers at the ball park are $8!!  I could have spent a small fortune getting drunk at that game.  Instead, I bought a $10 item from the gift shop.  Going to a baseball game, and then walking out only having spent $10 is pretty amazing.

Here are some pics from the game!  Enjoy!

– BST

Just getting around to this post here Saturday afternoon.  After work yesterday I decided it was finally time to go visit my favorite bar across the street.  Yes, I live across the street from the bar LOL.  It was another milestone moment.  Everything went well.  I had a ginger ale, and smiled when I found out that it only cost $1 🙂

My old drinking buddy and all the other usual friends were there.  I live in a small town, so it is a tight knit community.  Everyone was happy to see me, and I was sipping my ginger ale and being sober.  It was quite enjoyable.  I could actually have conversations, and I noticed that I smiled and laughed a lot more.  Of course by the end of the night I totally noticed how very drunk everyone else had become.  Conversation did not work out as well at that point hehe 🙂

I spent the rest of the time relaxing, playing some tunes on the jukebox, and chatting with my favorite bar tender.

All total I only spent $5 last night.  $2 on drinks and I tipped the bar tender $3 just for the hell of it.  $5 is pretty good compared to the usual $30-$40 I would have spent at the bar in the past.

I drove back to my parents today.  I’ll be here a few days.  A mini vacation.  We are going to the baseball game tonight.  I’ll take some pics to post later.  Gotta fly!

– BST

 

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