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That’s it for the weekend!  The ending to a great week.

It might have started off as a fairly ordinary week in my new sober life, but it has culminated into something else.  What that something else is I am not sure yet.  It will probably take some time to figure that out.  But I know that I feel great and I expect greatness from myself.

Monday and Tuesday are my days off.  Tomorrow I will leave the lake and head back to my apartment, and my high speed internet 🙂  That means I can spend some time working on new project ideas and exploring some of the blogs in the sober blogosphere.

Tuesday will be day 50 of abstinence from alcohol.  I’m stoked about this.  This is much longer than I have ever been able to go before.  It just feels like I’m going to keep on going.  Heck, the plan is to go the rest of my life.  I have removed alcohol from the picture and have no intention to ever include it back in.

Besides the usual stuff on my days off I’m thinking maybe I should do something special to celebrate day 50.  Not sure what yet.  My first thought is to go for a drive.  There is a town a few hours north of where I live that I have been meaning to check out.  It’s supposed to be pretty cool.  I’ll have to mull this one over.  Not sure what I will do yet.

With the approach of day 50 and my burgeoning good mood it feels like I’m in new beginning type territory.  I would like to think that July 23rd was the first day of the rest of my life.  (I call July 23rd S-Day).  Now it seems that life is knocking on the door and ready for some excitement, fun and some good old fashioned work as well.

Hello life!  Nice to meet you!  I apologize for keeping you hidden behind that veil of alcohol for so long.  Let me make it up to you.  Here, have a cool glass of iced tea.  I suggest you take a deep breath…  A very deep breath…  Good.  That is a beginning.

– BST

Ok, so I am not on the super positive high I was on yesterday, hehe 🙂  I finally floated back down to the surface of the Earth sometime this morning LOL.  Still, I’m in a great mood, relatively.

I decided that with this post I would flesh in a little bit more info about my daily life.  I know that being an anonymous blog I keep things pretty vague, but sometimes that might be a bit confusing so I figured that I should explain at least a few things.

You may have noticed in previous posts that I keep mentioning “going to the lake”.  This refers to my Grandmothers house.  Here is the deal.  I’m a city boy.  Lived there my whole life.  My Grandmother lives by a very small town out in the country about an hour and a half away.  She lives in a nice house on a great point of land on a beautiful lake.  This is the house her and Grandpa retired in.

Now she is 92 years old and still living at home alone.  We always came over to visit at least a few times a year.  Starting a few years back I began to visit more often.  I was coming up once or twice a month to help her out with things.  Since I was the only one in the family who never got married and had kids I had the flexibility to do this.

Two years ago I made a big decision.  I left everything behind in the cities and moved out into the country to live with Grandma.  Within a few months of that I was working again and moved into my own apartment in another small town that is just 12 miles away from Grandmas place.

I just got a new job about two months ago and it happens to be in the town by my Grandma.  So now I am driving over to her neck of the woods 5 days or more a week.  Monday and Tuesday are my days off.  The new routine that is starting to develop is that I stay at my apartment during the week and then spend a 3 day weekend with Grandma so it saves gas cutting out 3 trips back to my town.  Plus, I’m spending much more time with Grandma now.

This works great for her as well.  Now that I am coming over every week and spending multiple days at a time I can help her out a lot.  We go shopping, I help around the house and yard.  All that kind of stuff.  And of course we have our time just hanging out.

So, in previous posts when I made mention of going to the lake, or being at the lake, I’m talking about when I am staying at Grandmas.  She does not have Internet so I tether my cell phone to my laptop.  It’s not the best connection, but it is good enough to blog while I am at the lake.  That works because the blog really is the only thing where I need the laptop because I am typing so much.  Most everything else I just do from my phone.  Facebook, email etc.

This current arrangement has been great when you add sobriety in the mix.  I’m obviously much more useful and mindful with my Grandma  🙂  I also enjoy the serene environment here at the lake.

In the 90’s before my drinking crushed most everything I was high flying with the tech boom.  I mostly did Web site development and some other Web related programming and database work.  I did a lot of freelance work because I also produced the graphic designs and layout which allowed me to be sort of a one man show.  As one of my hobbies I pursue photography.

This is why the sober blogging community and the idea of starting my own blog appealed to me on so many levels.  I’m an Internet techno super geek.  It’s just that alcohol shattered all those pursuits, and only now am I starting to pick up the pieces.  Where the fuck did the last decade go?  Sheeeesh.

This blog has been a great start, but now it is time for me to really shake off the rust and re-train myself on the current development languages.  It’s also time for me to fire up my graphic editing programs and start practicing that too.  I plan on getting back into Web development in a big way.  I’m going to start at least one other blog along these lines.  I’m also interested in moving into such areas as Android app development and tying my photography and graphic work into all of it.

Writing is another area of interest for me so the blog was a platform I could use for practice.  As I expand in this area I am sure I will be writing more outside of just this blog.

So there you have it.  Just a little background that I thought would help shed some light on what the hell I’m talking about in my blog some days 😉

P.S.  The massive sugar cravings that consumed me for a few weeks seem to have abated.  I’m eating fairly normal again and already lost the 10 pounds I gained.  That’s a good feeling.

P.P.S.  The Loons are calling outside.  I love the haunting sound of their call.

– BST

So today was the second day of moving my buddy into his new place.  Uh, it certainly did not go as smooth as yesterday LOL.

We had everything set to drive over to his other place to pick up the stuff, then my truck starting acting up.  The transmission was slipping, the speedometer stopped working, and the dreaded “Check Engine” light came on.  We pondered what to do next.  At first, thinking that it was still able to drive we should just get it over to a shop.  Then my buddy suggested that we stop by the “Auto Zone” car part store first, since it was very close.

We made it to Auto Zone where they do computer checks for free.  They scanned the system and it came up saying “faulty speed control sensor”.  My buddy and I hopped into the truck, jumped on our smart phones, and in about 10 minutes became experts on the location and method for replacing the sensor via a mix of YouTube videos and forums 🙂  Thank God for the Internet!

The part was $67, and after about half an hour tinkering around on my back under the car we got that damn thing replaced and it worked!!

There are certain things in life that give most men a sense of masculinity.  Like grilling a steak, mowing the lawn, or killing that dastardly spider.  I think that fixing a car ranks pretty high on that list. LOL 🙂

After the car fiasco we hit the reset button and went back to the moving plan.  Everything worked out great!  We finished the move, and I still had plenty of daylight left for my drive back into the country.  I love the city, but I also love coming back home to my small town.

Overall pretty awesome day.  We overcame adversity.   Sober!    Que the weekend!!!

Out

– BST

Had a really nice day.  A friend of mine needed help moving so I got out, enjoyed the sunny weather, and went on a beautiful long country drive.  I’m staying over night, and we will move the last of his “big” things tomorrow.  Today things went smooth.  It’s amazing how much easier moving is when you are sober!  LOL  🙂   Considering the fact that moving was always considered a drinking occasion.  There is just something about drinking beer and moving.  They are tied together.  Still, it was a lot easier sober 🙂

Depending on how the timing of things work out tomorrow I may go with a more leisurely route home.  Supposed to be beautiful out again.  Maybe I can snap some new pics.

I’m almost to day 25.  A quarter of the way to my 100 days.  I’m looking forward to passing the first month mark.  This will be the longest I have been able to go sober compared to my previous attempts.  I can’t even imagine six months!  But I’ll just keep working day to day.  In the moment.

Peace,

– BST

Put Tuesday in the books!

Another day.  Another experience being sober.

When I quit drinking I had this vision that everything would fall into place.  That I would turn into a super man who would suddenly accomplish all those things that I never bothered while drinking.  Things are certainly going better than before.  I need to keep reminding myself that all the time.

I’m still lazy.  I don’t get done all the things that I want.  I have times when my brain decides it’s not going to fully function.  Sometimes when I evaluate my actions I wonder if drinking was really that much of a problem.  Then I start to think back, and the stark reality hits me in the face like a blast of freezing air.  I’m afraid.  When I think about drinking it actually puts the fear of God into me.  I guess that is a good thing.  My response to drinking has become the same as someone who is deathly allergic to something.  My Mom cannot eat shellfish.  If she does it could kill her.  She has to accept the fact that she will never eat a shrimp again for the rest of her life.  But she does accept it.  Because she has to.  She has no choice.

This is how I see alcohol.  A deadly poison.  There is no middle of the road.  There is no “maybe just a little” or “I can manage it”.  Whenever alcohol related thoughts enter my mind I quickly associate them with feelings and mental images of death.  Sobriety is a day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute experience, but in the back of my head I have a cornerstone.  A foundation.  This foundation is what everything else in my life will be built upon.  That foundation is the idea that I will never consume alcohol again (unless by accident or some freak shit).

I may still be kinda lazy.  I might not be meeting my personal expectations.  My sober mind might not always be as sharp as I think it should be.  But, as long as my foundation is in place I can continue to work on these other aspects of my life and improve them.

I can play chess and math games.  I can practice the harmonica.  I can study Spanish.  These are all activities that should enhance my mental faculties.

I’m a believer that the human body can heal and grow at any age.  My brain and liver may have taken a beating, but I truly believe that with a healthy lifestyle I can heal my body.  I don’t expect perfection.  But, I don’t think that what was once lost cannot be attained again.

Remember to take some deep breaths once and awhile.  Take a real deep one right now 🙂  It will make you feel good.  Maybe not super man.  But good.

– BST

Day 21!! Woot!  Woot!

Still going strong!  🙂  Looking forward to day 25 just around the corner.  Those hundred days are going to be here soon.

I’m  still eating more sweets than I normally would, but in the past few days I finally started to dial it back.  Yesterday I weighed myself and was stunned to see that I had put on weight.  This is unusual for me.  I’ve been around 155-159 lbs for AGES.  Yesterday I was 170.  That might be the most I have ever weighed!!  Just from about two weeks of loading up on sweets and sugar stuff.

It’s ok.  My exercise program is at least attempting to resurrect itself, and I know that I can’t munch on the sweets for long.  I get sick of them, and start to get cravings for healthy stuff again.

I’ve been at the lake for three days.  Early tomorrow I’ll head back home to the apartment.  I have the next few days off and the weather is supposed to be gorgeous.  I need to figure out some fun out door things to do!  Swimming, hiking, taking the bike out, or visiting a nearby town that I have not been to before.  Lots of options to consider.

Maybe I’ll get some pictures in as well 🙂

Night!

– BST

Just getting around to this post here Saturday afternoon.  After work yesterday I decided it was finally time to go visit my favorite bar across the street.  Yes, I live across the street from the bar LOL.  It was another milestone moment.  Everything went well.  I had a ginger ale, and smiled when I found out that it only cost $1 🙂

My old drinking buddy and all the other usual friends were there.  I live in a small town, so it is a tight knit community.  Everyone was happy to see me, and I was sipping my ginger ale and being sober.  It was quite enjoyable.  I could actually have conversations, and I noticed that I smiled and laughed a lot more.  Of course by the end of the night I totally noticed how very drunk everyone else had become.  Conversation did not work out as well at that point hehe 🙂

I spent the rest of the time relaxing, playing some tunes on the jukebox, and chatting with my favorite bar tender.

All total I only spent $5 last night.  $2 on drinks and I tipped the bar tender $3 just for the hell of it.  $5 is pretty good compared to the usual $30-$40 I would have spent at the bar in the past.

I drove back to my parents today.  I’ll be here a few days.  A mini vacation.  We are going to the baseball game tonight.  I’ll take some pics to post later.  Gotta fly!

– BST

 

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